Your child is reaching an age (3½ years) at which learning to make choices is important. Giving them opportunities to make choices and decisions may help them feel more in control. These are a few guidelines for you to consider when giving your child a choice:
1. Give your child a choice only when one's available.
Avoid: Do you want to come inside? (This isn’t really a choice.)
Try: It's time to come inside. Do you want to pick up your toys alone, or do you want me to help?
Avoid: Do you want to wear your coat? (This isn’t really a choice.)
Try: Do you want to play indoors or outdoors? If you play outside, you must wear your coat. Do you want to wear the blue one or the green one?
Communication and consistency are the keys to success!
When you set limits (rules), be consistent and always discuss ahead of time what will happen if the rules are broken. Instead of threatening, help children understand the rules. Best to let the child orally repeat the rules, if possible, so you are sure they understand them. Threatening your child often invites them to repeat the forbidden act. It is better to help children understand the rules, let them express what they want, and accept their feelings.
2. Be consistent about giving choices.
Avoid: Your child is not allowed to go outside without a coat. They broke the rule and you ignored it. They may expect to go outside without a coat again the next time.
Try: “The rule is: You must wear a coat when playing outdoors. Do you want the blue one or the green one?”
“Do you want to put your coat on without my help or with my help?
3. Sometimes, you can partially fulfill their desires
Situation: It is raining outside. Your child wants to go outside to play.
Child: "I want to go outside and play."
Mother: "You wish you could go outside, but it is raining."
Child: "No, I want to go outside and play in the rain."
Mother: "When it stops raining, you may play outdoors. Until it stops, how would you like to fill containers up with water in the sink or bathtub?"
The water containers can partially fulfill a desire to play in the rain (water) by providing a supervised activity with water. Also, you can give the child toys that will sink and float. Ask them to guess if each toy will sink or float.
Health Hints
Encourage your child to play outside some every day. Bundle your child up in cold weather and let them experience the feel of cold air.
Things You Can Do Every Day to Help Your Child Grow
• Teach your child about using the phone. Have pretend conversations with them. Let them practice answering the phone and putting down the phone to go get you. Teach them to say "goodbye" and hang up the phone with care.
• Help your child get exercise. Take them for a walk, get them a jump rope and let them begin to jump. (Show them you can do it—they’ll love it.) Let them walk around the room to music. Show them how to step in time to the beat. Musical dances such as the Hokey Pokey or the conga can be fun.
• Let your child help you sort and fold clothes. Have them tell you why things go together. Let them help you put assorted clothes into necessary drawers or cabinets.
• Give your child specific jobs in the home that they can do, such as putting plates in the dishwasher, carrying glasses or plates to the sink, or sorting clothes. Tell them that you like the way they did what you asked.
• Allow them to name items wherever you go and tell you about them.
• Continue to read to your child each day. Make it a special treat for each of you. Reading about the weather can be fun, too.
• Be sure to read some books that have words that rhyme (words that sound alike such as "bee" and "he"). Point out these words that sound alike, and make up some of your own that end with the same sound.